Atlanta Metro Kidz Blog

| June 22, 2010

          Hello, my name is Katie Morgan (katiemorgan1@juno.com) and I am one of the summer interns with Metro Kidz! I am 21 and a senior psychology major at Georgia College and State University. In the 5 weeks I have been here the most common question I have been asked is what it is that made me want to give up my summer, a job, and a comfortable home with friends and family to come live in one of the roughest areas of Atlanta and work with kids that most view as a lost cause. In order to explain why I am here I have to tell you about a girl named Brandi.

          For the past two summers I have worked at Camp Grace. Camp Grace takes kids from Metro Kidz and other organizations that work with at-risk-youth and offers them a once in a lifetime opportunity. Camp Grace finds generous donors to sponsor these kids so that they can spend a week at camp learning about God, getting away from the city and their home lives, and having the chance to just be a kid for a week (to learn more or donate, visit http://visionatlanta.org/camp-grace). During my first summer at camp I had a girl in my cabin one week named Brandi. She was 6 years old and the definition of what most would call trouble. She was at camp less than five minutes before I had to break up a fight, ask her to return stolen items, bring her back after several run away attempts, stop an attempted poisoning of the camp dog, and correct her repeatedly for cursing. She gave me the silent treatment and went on hunger strike to further prove her dislike for everything and everyone at camp. She was one of the smallest girls in our cabin (and, in fact, at 6 she was too young to even be there) but she had more grit than I had ever seen in a kid. She was entirely unpredictable and out of control, bouncing between exuberant and happy to violent and sullen in a matter of seconds. But at night I saw a completely different side of Brandi.

          Throughout the night Brandi tossed and turned in her sleep, often crying and screaming and awoke panic-stricken over and over again. She never stayed asleep for more than thirty minutes at a time and awoke hysterical. Most nights the only way I could get her back to sleep was to lie down next to her and wrap my arms tightly around her, assuring her over and over again that she was safe. She clung to me with a haunted look of terror and a deep sadness in her eyes. Her sister told me their family had lost their apartment and had been living on the streets, but Brandi never spoke of what she had seen or experienced and what filled her nightmares. I cried each night as I held her, heartbroken for such a young girl who had experienced so much and had learned to be so afraid. Each time I told her she was safe I realized that it was only for one week-we both knew that at the end of the week she would return “home” and wouldn’t be safe. In between her nightmares I would lay awake praying for Brandi, grappling with difficult questions. I didn’t notice my growing exhaustion as the week wore on-I simply knew that God had put me there to love Brandi….and so I did.

          Brandi never acknowledged what took place during the night. As soon as morning came she would crawl out from under my arms and switch back to the tough girl who pretended not to need anyone. The more vulnerable she was at night the tougher she was during the day. Brandi tested every boundary and every bit of patience we as camp staff had. She pushed us away but it was obvious she desperately wanted us to keep pursuing her, to love her in spite of everything. At the end of the week Brandi left, in customary style, with hardly a goodbye. In spite of all of the time I had spent with her and the time she had spent with the other kids she seemed incapable or unwilling to form attachments of any kind…somewhere along the way she learned that caring about people wasn’t worth the pain.

          Something about Brandi and the other kids I worked with at camp completely wrecked my heart. I loved camp and I fully believe in what they are doing, but I needed more. It wasn’t enough for me to take kids out of their situations for a week…I want to be with them IN their situations. I want to be a consistent and real part of their lives, want to spend time in their neighborhoods, get to know their families, earn their trust, and most importantly love them day in and day out. I know I cannot begin to fix all that is broken in their worlds, but I want to be in the midst of that brokenness, loving them and pointing them to a God that heals and redeems. Most importantly I want them to come to know and believe that God loves them, because I believe that can and will make all the difference in their lives.

          People often tell me that I have a big heart. In reality, I think we all have big hearts, sometimes we just choose not to use them to their full capacity. We choose to shut parts of ourselves down, we decide to protect our hearts and live in safety rather than risk, and we choose to look the other way because we don’t know how to deal with the problems and pain we see around us. Maybe we get so overwhelmed by how vast the problems are that we never even try to do anything about them because we don’t know where to begin and we are afraid of not being able to change things. For me, it isn’t about the big picture, it isn’t about all the societal problems with which I come in contact every day-it’s about the hundreds of faces I see and the hearts that are behind them. I don’t wake up in the morning hoping to change the world-I wake up hoping to make that one child laugh, forget for a moment their problems, feel safe, pass their grade, experience something new, and begin to dream big dreams about who and what they want to be. Most of all I hope that one child sees a tiny bit of God’s love for them.

          That is my heart and why I am here. At the beginning of the summer I read 2 John 1:6 which says “His command is that you walk in love”. This has challenged me to rethink how I live my life. Love isn’t something I should do on a Saturday morning or when I get off work or with a friend who I know I can trust or when it is convenient-it should be as much a part of my life as eating and sleeping, it should be evidenced in every word, thought and action to every person I come in contact with. Love is a way of life. Whether it is taking out someone’s trash, playing games with the kids, cleaning the bathroom at our office, helping with homework, or raising money for a new truck or to send kids to camp, all of it is for this one goal-to show Christ to these kids. So what does your heart break for? What are you passionate about? What makes you feel truly alive? Don’t turn away from those things, don’t make excuses. Embrace what God has given you a passion for, pursue it- I promise you will meet God there in a way you never have. The world needs your heart…….